| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2009|08:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
Using only song titles from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions.
Artist: Billy Joel
Are you male or female: She’s Always a Woman
Describe yourself: Uptown Girl
How do you feel about yourself: Just the Way You Are
Describe the place where you currently live: New York State of Mind
If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Scenes from an Italian Restaurant
Your best friend is: An Innocent Man
Your favorite color is: Shades of Grey
You should know that: We Didn’t Start the Fire
What's the weather like: Downeaster Alexa
If your life was a TV show, what would it be called? Movin Out
What is life to you: The Stranger
What is the best advice you have to give: Tell Her About It / Leave a Tender Moment Alone
If you could change your name, what would it be: Christie Lee |
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| Work Stuff |
[May. 20th, 2009|05:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
Today I read at work: "X is one of the nation’s largest companies in the United States."
Are you sure you don't know anyone who's hiring in my area? |
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| Quote of the day |
[May. 19th, 2009|05:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
Heard from across the office:
"Do you know how to use a phone book? It's like using a dictionary, right?"
OMG. |
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| Work updates |
[Apr. 12th, 2009|12:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
So get this work issue. I've been working since January in HR. I'm technically still attached to the Environmental division, but I've been working almost exclusively for HR. In the mean time, I'm supposed to be doing random projects for the Corrosion department and for Environmental. OK... no problem. Except that Corrosion and Environmental don't have enough work to keep me busy and HR does. So I've been billing HR for almost all my time (like all but 4 hours since 5 Jan). They come to me two weeks ago to say that I need to cut my HR hours down as much as possible because they don't want to "attract attention" to the department. Could that POSSIBLY have something to do with the girl I'm filling in for who's now working part time but still being paid her full time salary? So two weeks ago, the HR Manager talks to the managers in Corrosion and Environmental who both assure her that they each have at least 8 hours of work a week to keep me busy. The first week that was supposed to happen, i got 2.75 hours from Env and 3.75 hours from Corr. So I filled my time with HR work and billed them. No good. This week, I got nothing from Env, and 4 hours from Corr... and was told to go home when I hit the "magic number" of 32 hours for HR. So my paycheck this week will be 4 hours short, because HR doesn't want to "attract attention."
Anyone know anyone who's hiring? |
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| The Surgeon |
[Feb. 11th, 2009|07:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
So Evan and I went to see the surgeon yesterday, to see what he thought of my biopsy result and to make the final decision. He didn't seem convinced by the biopsy result, but he said we had three choices:
a. Run from the hospital and never go back.
b. Follow-up with another mammogram in three months to see if there were any changes, and if there were changes, remove it then.
c. Remove the lump now, get it over with.
I asked, "if it is something bad, and we wait three months, how much worse off will I be than if we'd removed it now?" Apparently three months can make a HUGE difference as far as how these things spread and grow.
Evan asked, "if it were your wife, what would you do?" The doc actually took a minute to think about it and said, "let's get you scheduled for an MRI." Apparently that can be even more accurate than a biopsy because you can see blood flow. If there is no blood flow, then it's just fibrous tissue. Cancer, apparently, sucks blood, so much so that it can build its own vessels.
Thank the gawds that Evan is here. That question had occurred to me, but I assumed that every doctor thinks that way and wouldn't have thought to make him rethink the options he was presenting to us.
So now we're waiting for the referral to get the MRI done (off base, they don't have one on base), so that we can (hopefully) decide for sure what the next step is. We're meeting with the surgeon again on the 10th of March (or maybe sooner).
I'm getting a little skittish again. Not "freaking out" or obsessing about this like I was before the biopsy, but I'm getting nervous.
Ya'know, my mother always called me "sickly." |
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| More results |
[Feb. 4th, 2009|06:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
The AFIP came back and said the initial diagnosis was right, but I still need to talk to a surgeon (on 10 Feb) to see if they want to remove it. At this point it's not likely (according to the radiologist), but we'll see what they say. The good news is that even if they do decide to remove it they don't need to take any extra tissue around it, so it's not going to leave a gaping hole in my chest. Yay! |
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| I give up... |
[Feb. 2nd, 2009|09:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
This is ridiculous. We're all worked up over this thing and it's going to turn out to be nothing. They're going to come back to me (whenever they finally decide to) and tell me that it doesn't even need to come out. This perfectly healthy little lump can stay where it belongs. I have to wonder why we're even bothering to think about it (let alone obsess the way I have been).
I was supposed to get the final biopsy results from the Armed Forces Institute of Pathology today, and it didn't come back yet. I need to stop thinking about this. |
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| Results.. mostly |
[Jan. 29th, 2009|09:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  numb | ] |
So they've sent my biopsy off to the Air Force Institute of Pathology to validate the initial pathology report. If the AFIP confirms the initial diagnosis, I'll be having a lumpectomy in the middle of February.
Alternatively, the AFIP could say it's not necessary, or they could say that I need a lumpectomy and radiation... but at least initial reports say it's not cancer. I suppose I should be thankful for that. And I would be, if I trusted it. |
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| Over |
[Jan. 27th, 2009|12:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
Yes, that was just as scary as I though it would be. Now begins the waiting... could be tomorrow, could be next week.
How long can you keep your fingers crossed? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2009|08:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
Gawd, waiting for the appointment to get the test is killing me, I can't imagine what it's going to be like waiting for test results.
The thing is, I'm not really scared. I should be... it's a scary appointment, but I'm not really scared. I've been numb, I've been curious, I've been resigned, but I haven't been scared.
Maybe that's because I don't have a whole lot of support with Evan gone and I have to be "strong." I'm being strong... I even had a woman at work ask me if I needed a ride today, and I turned her down. I can do this all on my own, dammit.
On the other hand, my mother told my brother who told his wife who said, "when i had that done I was a little sore," like it was no big deal... but it is a big deal. (I could write a book about my sister-in-law, and it wouldn't be very nice.) I could justifiably fall apart if I wanted to (which I wish I could, but again, I have no one to back me up).
There's a good part of me that thinks this is all just silly - there's only a 10% chance that it's anything worth even thinking about... so why even bother to go through the hassle of doing the test?
Then again, that's the thought I had last Friday when they did the second test - if the first test didn't show anything, why are we doing the second one? Even before the first test on Friday - if the doc wasn't sure there was anything to worry about, why are we stressing about it? (Of course, the first test on Friday did show something, and so did the second test on Friday, and now we're just trying to prove those tests wrong.)
Maybe the way to put it is that I'm stressed about this. (Clearly.) I'm not scared though. I'm a little worried about the fact that I'm not scared.
Will try to post about the test when I get back from the appointment. I hate waiting. |
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| No news is bad news |
[Jan. 24th, 2009|06:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
Scary appointment on Friday morning turned into REALLY scary appointment this coming Tuesday. Will keep you posted with test results when I have them.
In the mean time, Evan still isn't home and can't even be terribly supportive since he needs to be there mentally, instead of here.
I am obsessing about this and can't seem to focus on anything else (work Friday afternoon was a nightmare). I've taken all day off work on Tuesday, here's hoping that's all I'll have to take off.
Cross your fingers and hold your breath... |
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| Motherhood Challenge |
[Jan. 19th, 2009|06:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
Try not to laugh at your children while answering their questions
Kid: Are there going to be fireworks on Digital Transition Day?
Mom: No...
Kid: Then why is it so important? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2009|01:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
Kid: Now that I've finished my birdhouse, once we hang it up outside can I check it every day to see if any birds have laid eggs in it?
Mom: Sure, why not.
Kid: And then, if they do, then we can have OMELETS!
I am truly disturbed to have given birth to this child (almost 9 years ago). |
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| Updates |
[Jan. 18th, 2009|12:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
Things are not going well.
Ethan is not allowed to see his cousin for an extended period of time. (It's looking like it's going to be months, and even then they cannot be unsupervised.)
My brother and I are not speaking. I hung up on his wife, she and I are not speaking. Evan is not speaking to her. Evan and my brother are speaking but not nicely.
My brother and his family are 3/4 of he reason we tried so hard to get to Omaha.
My mother (who is privy to both sides of the argument and claims she's on my side), said to me, "didn't I tell you not to move to Omaha?" (Don't worry, I laid into her for that one.)
Ethan needs an urgent appointment with his therapist.
Ethan is being evaluated by his teacher and his therapist for ADD/ADHD.
My niece was supposed to sit for Alex the evening of 2 Feb so that Ethan can get his cub scout pocket knife.
I need to make a very scary Dr's appointment as soon as possible.
I am on my own without Evan here until the 10th or so of Feb.
"My advice to you is to start drinking heavily."
Bluto Blutarsky |
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| More Medical Stuff |
[Oct. 17th, 2008|10:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
So I've been trying for three weeks to get an appointment with my primary care manager. No, it's not my headaches (I'm seeing a neurologist for those), this is something completely different. I don't want to go into details.
Here's what I want to go into details about. My hubby knows that I've been trying to make an appointment with my PCM since before I saw the neurologist. He knows that I saw someone else in the office today. He even remembered to ask me how my appointment went... but he doesn't know what the appointment was for. I wasn't even comfortable talking to the nurse about it (I've never had a problem talking to docs, they've heard everything), and it's not something I _want_ to talk about... but he should've asked. I even told him that I have a referral to a specialist when he asked how it went today... and I told him what specialist it was, but it was like he didn't even hear me. There is something off in my health (again...), and my husband doesn't know about it.
Now, I'm sure he assumed that it's still my headaches. So I told him that I "confused another doctor" today, and even told him what specialty I was being referred to... but he didn't bother to ask what was wrong or why I would see that specialist.
I'm so frustrated, and feeling like he has stopped caring about my health. Yeah, he'll still give me shit about smoking and losing weight, but he hasn't even asked why I saw a doc today. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 16th, 2008|07:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | worried | ] |
I just got back from a good 30 minute talk with Ethan's guidance counselor. She sat in on our Parent-Teacher conference on Tuesday night, and wanted to talk to us a little bit more (I mentioned that I was planning to talk to her anyway). I went by myself because my brother couldn't watch the kids, so Evan had to stay home with them. It was an exhausting meeting.
We started off talking about what Ethan's teacher reported, that she had caught him biting himself hard enough to leave marks, and when she confronted him about it he said that he does it all the time. This could be an innocent habit, or it could be the beginning of self-harming behavior.
I told her that I'm particularly concerned about this because of my history.
I mentioned a conversation Ethan and I had a few mornings ago where he asked me if you can get arrested for trying to kill yourself. She was genuinely concerned. I told her that I started my suicidal thoughts in 4th grade. She was surprised, but said that she has had some parents pick their kids up from her office and take them directly to Children's Hospital.
I told her I wish my mother had done just that.
She mentioned Ethan's meltdowns (crying fits) and I told her that we see the same things at home, and that we're trying to convince him that most things aren't really as bad as he feels them to be. She said that's a good way to explain it.
I told her that I just got "better" in the last two years or so, and that I don't know what kind of affect the rough times had on him in his "developmental years." She said that it's amazing the things that children can remember from even before they're capable of talking.
She told me that if she had heart disease she would get her kids checked out early, perhaps before they even started showing any symptoms, just to err on the side of caution... and Ethan is showing symptoms.
All in all, she gave me the names of a few psychologists and counselors that other families in the school have had good luck with. She was very persuasive and convinced me that it's not worth the risk.
Evan isn't convinced, and thinks that he's just fine... I almost think it would've been better if she had been able to convince him, but I also think that Evan would've downplayed my history a bit and she wouldn't have understood the kind of family history/background that Ethan is coming from. Fortunately, I have Evan convinced that it's worth getting him looked over, if only for my peace of mind.
Wish us luck. For those of you who've met Ethan (and those of you who've heard about him), what do you think? |
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| Extended Families |
[Oct. 9th, 2008|08:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
So a friend posted in his LJ asking what people thought about having extended family around, and I felt I had more to say on the matter than what I could fit in a response to his post.
First of all, I didn't have a lot of extended family around growing up. We moved a lot (like anyone who reads this doesn't already know that) and most of my extended family was military and moved a lot too. But we did have "stable" grandparents whose houses we could visit whenever we got the chance.
A few years ago my father's parents sold their house in upstate New York. I was crushed at the time because it was the closest thing I had to a stable home growing up. Sometimes we could only visit every couple of years, sometimes it was once a month, but it was always there. Within the last year my grandmother has been getting sicker and sicker (something about smoking with emphysema) and I was talking to my brother about going to visit her. He said, "I haven't been really keen on visiting them since they broke my heart." I gave him a puzzled look to which he replied, "they sold the house." Now I'm adult enough to realize that they're getting old enough that they can't really keep a four bedroom house anymore, even with help. Hell, my 85-year old grandmother couldn't walk from one end of the house to the other without help. I was upset when they sold the house, but apparently my brother still holds a grudge.
I barely knew my aunts and uncles and my cousins. Yes, I spent a summer in Rhode Island with one set, and another summer in Virginia with another set, and I suppose I bonded with my extended family during those times, but they just weren't a real part of my life. Just to give you an example, I tried to be the one to send birthday cards to everyone a few years back and I couldn't get anyone to confirm birthdays and anniversary dates for me.
When it was time to get ready to leave Hawaii, I wanted to move home. Anyplace that felt like home. That's part of why we're here in Omaha, because my father was stationed here when I was younger. The other reason is my brother. We desperately wanted to be near family, but we're self aware enough to realize that his mother is not the answer (she hates me) and my parents would drive me crazy.
Now his mother is looking to move closer. I'm very nervous. It's nice to have her a couple hundred miles away where she has to announce her visits at least a month ahead of time and we have time to mentally prepare ourselves and put up the boundaries and shields. Unfortunately we're the only family she has left and she's looking to be closer. I can't blame her.
It's really nice to have my brother close by. We get together every Sunday (when life doesn't get in the way) and let the kids play while the adults play cards. Finally, when the forms ask who can pick up the kids in an emergency, I'm comfortable with the knowledge that I have someone who truly understands me and what I want for my kids... and respects my wishes. If the worst should happen, the kids will be living with someone they know and are comfortable with. I was actually talking to a friend a few weeks ago who is getting divorced. She went to the doctor and had to fill out a form with who to notify in case of emergency... and she didn't have anyone to put in the block. She's in Hawaii and her family is in Indiana, and she has no real connection like you get with a family.
Evan and I have done pretty well without much of a support network up to now. We have leaned on each other a lot (perhaps too much), and didn't get to spend nearly enough time alone as a couple, and I think that while it has made us stronger as a family it has perhaps made us weaker as a couple. Kids are stress (anyone who says differently is selling something), and it's important to have some relief from that.
Please don't take that wrong, our friends have been wonderful to us and for us, and we have trusted them, literally, with the lives of our children... but it's easier to lean on family.
That having been said, I think it's important to have extended family around for when you need them, but it's also important to be able to draw boundaries and step away from the people who make you crazy. |
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| All mixed up |
[Oct. 5th, 2008|09:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  moody | ] |
So it looks like Evan got the new job he interviewed for.
As soon as all the paperwork is done he will be the Commandant of Airman Leadership School. Let me give a little background for you non military folks. ALS is a school that all enlisted Air Force folks go to before being allowed to become E-5 Staff Sergeants. It's mostly learning how to supervise (since you're not allowed to supervise until you go), and it serves as a reminder why you're here in the Air Force that typically happens about 4-6 years after you sign up. For most airmen, they can stay at their home base to go, but a few have to travel. I never got to go, but then, I wasn't in the Air Force long enough.
The commandant is like a school principal. He supervises all the instructors (if I remember correctly there are five of six of them), and he handles any discipline cases in the students. For the first time in his career, he'll have an office.
Evan's current job is disappearing. Effective 1 Oct, the job Evan's been doing officially became a civilian contractor position. Of course, they haven't hired anyone for it yet, and he's still doing it, but he really needs to find another job.
This is a great move for his career. He doesn't have a lot of experience supervising, which he'll need to get his next promotion. It's more responsibility than he's ever had before. It's a hugely prestigious position that can serve to make him look really good in the eyes of senior leadership. Oh, and it's a five year controlled tour. Which doesn't mean much except that he's got this job and can't move for five years... and that they can't send him to the desert.
Wahooieeee! Here we go.
On the flip side, when I told my mother she said, "this job could make Evan look bad. Not that we're worried about Evan." and she also said, "this job means lots of social engagements for you, and we all know that we're more confident when we're thin."
IN a time when we should be happy and celebrating this move, she's got to bring us down. Why does she always do this? |
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| Technologically Repressed |
[Oct. 2nd, 2008|12:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nerdy | ] |
“The electronic typewriter occupies a place between the older electric typewriter and the word processor.”
“It is crucial to monitor the distribution of supplies, since they have a tendency to “walk away,” especially expensive items such as diskettes.”
-From Mirriam Webster’s Secretarial Handbook, Third Edition
“The most authoritative and up-to-date reference source for the office professional of the 1990s.”
Now, aside from all comments about my reading professional manuals for fun, wasn’t that out-dated even for 1993? Or is my memory just that bad? It doesn’t seem like all that long ago (although I suppose in the world of technology 15 years is a really long time). Even so, the photo of the computer in the book actually has a 5 1/4 inch floppy drive. Yesterday while transferring documents onto the shared hard drive I had to ask IT for a USB 3.5 inch floppy drive to borrow because the computer I’m working on only has a CD/DVD drive. There’s an entire section in this book on how to manage a desk calendar. Is Outlook really that new? Or is this book that old?
How can things have changed so dramatically in only 15 years?
OMG… did I just say ONLY 15 years? When did I get old enough that 15 years is “only” a short period of time? |
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